परिवार में कुछ झगड़ों के बाद, मैं और मेरे माता-पिता एक नए शहर में चले गए। यह मेरे लिए एक अनपेक्षित मोड़ था।

अपने 'परिवार', दोस्तों, घर और शहर को छोड़ना बहुत दुखद था, और इस सबके बीच यह नहीं पता होना कि आगे क्या होगा।

मुझे यह देखकर बहुत दुख होता है कि एक दुखद घटना किसी इंसान की पूरी शख्सियत बदल देती है। एक खुशमिजाज बच्चे का नेता, एक गंभीर व्यक्ति बन जाता है। एक थेरपिस्ट के रूप में, मुझे पता है कि दुखद अनुभव हमारी जिंदगी को बदल सकते हैं, जब तक कि हम उसे खुद के लिए एक हीलिंग करने वाला अनुभव नहीं बनाते।

मेयाझगन में, अरुल को 'उन लोगों' को माफ करने के लिए कहा जाता है - जो उसके लिए एक खुद को हील करने वाला पल होता है। "गुस्से को पकड़कर रखना ऐसा है जैसे जहर पीना और उम्मीद करना कि दूसरा मर जाएगा।" अरुल भी अपने अतीत की वजह से अंदर से मर रहा था। उस रात ने अरुल की जिंदगी में बदलाव लाया, यह सच में एक मुक्ति थी।

यह बात यह दोहराती है कि आपको उन लोगों के साथ सुलह करने की जरूरत नहीं है जिन्हें आप माफ कर रहे हैं। फिर से दोस्त बनने की कोई मजबूरी नहीं है। हम माफ कर सकते हैं, और अपनी सीमाएं भी बनाए रख सकते हैं। माफी अंदर से होती है और तभी होती है जब इसे होना होता है।

जब हम अपनी पिछली कहानियों से आगे बढ़ते हैं, अतीत का बोझ छोड़ देते हैं, बंद दरवाजे से दूर हो जाते हैं, तो हमें दूसरे खुले दरवाजे दिखाई देने लगते हैं - नए अवसर, प्यारे लोग और अनुभव हमारा इंतजार कर रहे हैं! बिल्कुल वैसे ही जैसे अरुल को बिल्कुल अप्रत्याशित तरीके से एक नया दोस्त/भाई/साथी/प्रेरणा मिली!

मेरे अंदर कहीं एक हिस्सा जो अभी भी अहमदाबाद में है, मैं तुमसे कहना चाहती हूं - वह अध्याय खत्म हो गया है! हे मेरे अंदर की छोटी जल्पा, तुम्हें अब किसी चीज़ या किसी व्यक्ति को पकड़कर नहीं रखना है। तुम इससे आगे बढ़ चुकी हो! तुम उन सभी से परे हो!

और हाँ, मेयाझगन मुझे जरूरी समापन देता है (कम से कम अभी के लिए) - अब आगे बढ़ने का समय आ गया है!

जल्पा

After some family disputes, I along with my parents moved to a new city - this was an unexpected turn in my Life at a tender age.

Indeed traumatic to leave my "family", friends, house, city behind and on the top of that not knowing what will happen, where will we go

I'm touched by how a traumatic event changes the entire personality of a person making him a serious person from the cheerful kids' leader that he was! As a therapist, I know this as a fact that traumas can change your life unless you really create a healing experience for yourself.

Meiyazhagan suggests Arul to forgive those people - which appears to be a healing moment for him.. "Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Quite similarly, Arul was actually dying inside because of his past.. That night created a shift in Arul's life, it was cathartic in its true sense.

Meiyazhagan suggests Arul to forgive those people - which appears to be a healing moment for him.. "Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Quite similarly, Arul was actually dying inside because of his past.. That night created a shift in Arul's life, it was cathartic in its true sense.

It reiterates the fact that you don't have to reconcile with people you are forgiving.. No compulsion to be friends with them again.. We can forgive, while we still hold our boundaries intact.. Forgiveness is an inside job and happens only when it has to happen

When we move beyond our past stories, surrender the baggage, turn away from the closed door, we start seeing the other open doors - the new opportunities, nurturing people and experiences await us! Just like how Arul discovered a new friend/brother/companion/inspiration in a totally unexpected way!

A part of me that's still hanging somewhere in Ahmedabad, I want to tell you - it's over! That chapter is over! Hey my younger self, you don't have to hold on to anything/anyone any longer.. You are beyond it!

And yes, Meiyazhagan gives me the much needed closure (at least for now) - it's time to let go!

आज मैं अपनी ज़िन्दगी पर विचार कर रही हूँ। पिछले कुछ साल मेरे स्वास्थ्य समस्याओं और एक पैरेंट के रूप में चुनौतियों से भरे रहे हैं।

पिछले कुछ वर्षों में मैंने अपने शुभचिंतकों से अक्सर मेरे स्वास्थ्य और मेरे 10 साल के बेटे के बारे में सवाल सुने हैं- ‘अब कैसी तबियत है?' 'फिर से बीमार पड़ गई?' 'तू दूसरों को ठीक करती है और खुद बीमार पड़ जाती है?' 'इतनी बड़ी उम्र के लोगों को ट्रेन करती है, खुद के बच्चे को नहीं संभाल पा रही?’ मैं जानती हूँ कि वे चिंतित थे और मैं मानना चाहती हूँ कि वे मुझे भ्रमित नहीं कर रहे थे, लेकिन कभी-कभी इन बातों का मुझ पर असर पड़ा और मैं खुद पर शक करने लगी कि क्या मैं खुद को और अपने बच्चे को संभाल भी सकती हूँ।

हाल ही में, मैंने अपने बच्चे की ADHD की स्थिति के बारे में स्पष्टता प्राप्त की है। अब मुझे समझ में आया कि उसकी अत्यधिक सक्रियता, आक्रामकता, बगावती स्वभाव और स्थिर न रह पाने की समस्याएं कहां से आ रही हैं! लक्षण हमेशा मौजूद थे, लेकिन यह निदान मुझे उसके मेडिकल कंडीशन को स्वीकार करने का कारण देता है, मुझे इस लेबल के पार उसकी ताकतें देखने की अनुमति देता है और मुझे खुद को या उसे उसके व्यवहार के लिए दोषी ठहराने से रोकता है।

मुझे कुछ साल पहले वेस्टिबुलर माइग्रेन का निदान हुआ था, लेकिन हाल ही में एक एक्स-रे के बाद पता चला कि मेरे वायुमार्ग की चौड़ाई आधी से भी कम है, जिससे मुझे कभी-कभी विशेष रूप से मेरे VM एपिसोड के दौरान सांस लेने में कठिनाई होती है। अब मुझे पता है कि क्यों मैं इतनी जल्दी थक जाती हूँ और प्रयास करने के बावजूद जल्दी ही थकावट महसूस करती हूँ।

मैं पिछले सालों को देखती हूँ और सोचती हूँ कि मैंने कभी-कभी मानसिक तनाव, चिंता और अधीरता का सामना किया, क्योंकि मैं अपनी और अपने बच्चे की स्थिति के बारे में पूरी तरह से अवगत नहीं थी।

आज मैं खुद को बताना चाहती हूँ कि मैं कितनी बहादुर रही हूँ, कैसे मैंने एक सजग माँ के रूप में खुद को ढाला और सभी विपरीत परिस्थितियों के बावजूद अपनी पूरी कोशिश की। मैं उन समयों को भी सम्मानित करती हूँ जब मैंने धैर्य खो दिया और अपने सुंदर बच्चे पर चिल्ला दी, न जानते हुए कि वह वास्तव में अपनी स्थिति से संघर्ष कर रहा था जो उसे आवेगी बनाता था और उसने जानबूझकर कुछ नहीं किया।

मैं स्वीकार करती हूँ कि मैं कितनी साहसी हूँ, जब मैं सभी VM लक्षणों- चक्कर, मस्तिष्क की धुंध, सांस फूलना, धड़कनें बढ़ना, आदि- का सामना करती हूँ और फिर भी अपनी ज़िन्दगी में अपना सर्वश्रेष्ठ प्रयास करती हूँ- कभी-कभी खुद को इकट्ठा करने के लिए कड़ी मेहनत करती हूँ, कभी-कभी हार मान लेती हूँ और घंटों तक बिस्तर पर लेटी रहती हूँ, सोचते हुए कि मेरे साथ क्या हो रहा है, क्या मैं कभी ठीक हो पाऊँगी, यह सब मेरे साथ क्यों हो रहा है, और फिर से एक योद्धा बनने का साहस जुटाती हूँ और लड़ती हूँ!

इस पल में, मैं अपने जादूगर बेटे के साथ खड़ी होती हूँ - मैं तुम्हें वही देखती हूँ जो तुम हो और मम्मा हमेशा तुम्हारे साथ होगी!और हाँ, मैं खुद के प्रति दयालु कैसे न होऊँ? अगर मैं खुद ही खुद को नहीं समझूँगी, तो और कौन समझेगा? मैं अपनी शारीरिक स्थिति के लिए जगह रखती हूँ- जब तक यह है। मुझे पता है कि यह तब ही जायेगा जब इसे जाना होगा और अगर नहीं भी जाता, तो भी मैं कम नहीं हूँ।

मैं अपने पति के लिए अनंत आभारी हूँ जो हमेशा मेरे साथ चट्टान की तरह खड़ा रहता है- मैं उसे सबसे ज्यादा प्यार करती हूँ!

ईश्वरीय प्रकाश हमारे जीवन में चमकता रहे, और मैं हमेशा अपने क्लाइंट्स को सबसे अच्छे तरीके से योगदान देने की ताकत पाऊँ, उनके जीवन में जागरूकता और सचेतता लाने का माध्यम बनूँ! Amen!

Contemplating on my Life today.. The last couple of years have been challenging because of my health issues and also as a parent..

In the last few years I have heard frequently from my well wishers questions about my health and also feedback for my 10 y.o son- 'Ab kaisi tabyet hai?', 'Fir se beemar pad gayi?' 'Tu kuch kar', 'Dusro ko thik karti hai aur beemar padjati hai? ', 'Itne bade bado ko train karti hai, khud bache ko nahi kar paa rahi'.. I'm sure they were concerned, and I want to believe that they were not gaslighting me, but I did get affected sometimes and would actually doubt myself questioning my own abilities to handle myself and my kid.

Recently, I got sure about my kid's ADHD condition.. Now I see where his hyperactivity, aggression, rebelliousness, inability to be still were all coming from! The symptoms were always present but this diagnosis gives me a reason to accept his medical condition, allows me to see his strengths beyond this label and also helps me to not beat myself or him up for his behavior.

I was diagnosed with Vestibular Migraine a couple of years ago, but recently after an Xray I got to know that my air passage is less than half of what it should be making breathing difficult for me sometimes specially during my VM episodes and I also now know the reason behind why I quickly feel tired and exhausted despite of the efforts I was putting in.

I sit and look back at the years that have passed by.. I have sometimes lived times of distress, anxiety, impatience just because I wasn't aware of his and my condition.

Today I want to tell myself how brave I have been, how I got into the shoes of a conscious parent and tried my best despite all the odds.. I also honor the times I lost my patience and ended up shouting at my beautiful kid, not knowing he was actually struggling with his condition that made him impulsive and he didn't do anything intentionally.

I acknowledge how courageous I am to endure all the VM symptoms- dizziness, brain fog, breathlessness, palpitations, etc and yet putting my best efforts into my life - sometimes trying hard to gather myself, sometimes giving up and just lying on the bed for hours and hours, thinking about what's happening to me, will I be fine ever again, why is this even happening to me and then again gathering courage to become a warrior and fight back!

In this moment, I choose to stand with my wizard son - I see you for who you are and Mumma will always have your back!

And yes, how can I not be kind to myself.. If not me, who else would understand my condition- I hold space for my physical condition - as long as it is.. I know it will leave whenever it has to and even if it doesn't I'm no less.. Infinitely grateful for my husband for always standing like a rock with me - I love him the most!

May the divine light continue to shine in our lives, may I always have the strength to contribute to my clients in the best possible ways, be a medium to bring awareness and consciousness in their lives! Amen 🙏

How often do we force ourselves and those around us to 'be positive'? Pushing ourselves to feel in a certain way until we are prepared for it, is just another ego trap.. I see it as the other extreme end of self victimisation. Acknowledging our emotions without blame and shame is not something most of us have been taught.

I recently shared a quote on FB that I found very interesting - 'Don't teach your children to not to be angry, teach them how to be angry'

What if it's completely alright to feel emotions, but we generally go into the wrongness of it.. Because in this reality we are always asked to not feel in a certain way.

Healing is not about forcing yourself to feel 'positive', it's about creating a safe space for your emotions - seeing them, acknowledging them, not judging them or self or others for how we feel, taking responsibility for our emotions and knowing that our thoughts and emotions may not always be our true nature..

Our POVs and limiting beliefs keep us stuck in the state of self victimisation.. Which is not about our feelings, in fact it's about resisting our feelings. In order to protect ourselves, we blame people and sometimes our own destiny because we don't know how to face and own our emotions and move through them..

It's our ego that demands us to reach somewhere, some positive place that remains that way forever 😃 which is another way of running after and clinging on to what we have decided to be a 'good place'..

One of the things what has really helped me is understanding that healing is not a destination, it's a journey of life.. You just live your life, enjoy that process instead of beating yourself up to reach a place of your fantasy..

I wonder how would our world look like if we took the responsibility of our emotions and actions, where there's a mutual creation and honouring of a safe and sacred space where we can feel deeply, totally without any judgements or rushing through to another 'better place', without the fear of how others would look at us, without any masks, everyone just being their authentic selves..

What would I have 'created' if I were not busy 'controlling'?

Where did I learn 'control' and made it so significant for my survival?

Where have I misunderstood 'Controlling' as 'Creation'?

How much of joy and fun am I missing trying to 'control' my life?

What if thinking that 'I can control' is an illusion?

What if 'Creating' is more powerful than 'Controlling'?

What 'magic' can I 'create' now if I am not busy 'controlling'?

What choices do I have here that I haven't acknowledged yet?

What's the first thing to change the status quo or receiving whatever we desire?

Asking for it!

Bible says - 'Ask and you shall receive'

But ironically many of us don't even ask for the life we desire.. Why? Because we have subconsciously (sometimes consciously) concluded that what we desire is not possible and also because we believe that we don't even deserve it!

We believe it so deeply because that's what we have heard almost always, specially as kids! 'You are useless', 'You can't do anything properly', 'You are good for nothing', 'You deserve to fail or don't deserve to pass', 'If you win, you will get the prize', etc so on and so forth.

We have been so deeply conditioned by the society and system (often parents and teachers included) that we don't deserve anything good in life because we didn't meet their parameters of 'rightness'. Or we deserve something only because we did what they expected us to do.. Which often left us as a child confused, disheartened and concluding that 'I'm not good enough, and so I don't deserve much in life'

This child within us who was ashamed is already shattered by self doubts leading to low self esteem and self worth. As rightly said when we keep criticising the kids, they don't stop loving us but they stop loving themselves.

When did we as kids stop loving ourselves? So much that we concluded that we deserve pain, suffering and struggle because we are not good enough or just 'not enough'? Or we 'need' to 'do something' to deserve respect and love. We keep looking for approvals and validations outside of us, because that's what we have been trained to do.

"Somebody should have looked into your eyes when you were born... and told you how beautiful you are. And what a gift you are to the world.

If you didn't have that... let's be that for each other now." - Dr. Dain Heer

Can we do it now? It's never too late to stand in front of the mirror, look into your eyes and let yourself know -

'Hey there! I love you so much! Just the way you are. You are a beautiful part of this universe.. Thank you for choosing to come to this planet. Thank you for' Being You '!

And close your eyes and repeat -

'I love myself exactly the way I am. And I'm worthy of love, kindness, compassion and joy. I am unique and there's nothing that I need to prove. I acknowledge the beauty in me and I deserve everything I ask for.'

And just ASK! Ask for anything and everything without the slightest of doubts of whether you deserve it or are worthy of it or not.. Ask and you shall receive it! :)

'If you get abused and you don’t abuse, you end the cycle of abuse.

If you get judged and you don’t judge, you end the cycle of judgement.'
-Dr. Dain Heer

I felt inspired by the above quote which made me write the following blog, to bring more clarity to myself and those asking for it.

When 2 people are playing, if 1 of them withdraws the game is over.

Similar is the cycle of judgements/arguments/righteousness /justifications leading to drama and trauma in our lives.

When we understand that for almost all our issues, the root cause is generally in the past and not present we see the present is only an illusion which is created to end that particular cycle.

When we understand that for almost all our issues, the root cause is generally in the past and not present we see the present is only an illusion which is created to end that particular cycle.

If we understand this and respond differently, the cycle ends, if not then it continues.. And we continue to suffer, to feel like a victim, project our judgements and end up making self sabotaging beliefs.

And to prove those beliefs right (oh yeah, nobody ever wants to be proved wrong!), we again attract /create a similar situation and the whole drama continues leading to yet another trauma. And without we even realise, it has taken a form of a 'pattern'. And unless we break the spell of our beliefs and judgements, the patterns keep going on and on for lifetimes!

So how about asking ourselves -

'Who would I be if I had nothing to prove, no justifications, no judgements, no hard core beliefs or fixed points of view?'

'Was I born with this outlook, attitude or perception? If no, where did I buy it from?'

And return it to them.

What else is possible here?

Asking Questions is a beautiful tool recommended in 'Access Consciousness' that shifts our energy immediately.

Tap into the space where we are free of all the baggage weighing us down.. How? Just close your eyes and breathe it all out.. See the judgements leaving you one by one making you feel lighter and lighter.

An affirmation that you can repeat following to the above exercise:

'I am powerful and capable of choosing my response irrespective of the other person's behaviour. I always have a choice.'

(Although please note that an affirmation only works when we believe in it). Also, the idea is not to become a doormat, but to be able to do whatever is required to heal ourselves and make a choice without getting into polarity (rightness /wrongness) of it.

If required, take help! Go to a Facilitator who can help you release all the deepest fears, traumas and stuck emotions and help you choose to go back to your natural unconditioned self (This is where Inner Child healings and regressions can help. EHT is another beautiful technique to release the stuck energy).

Can you sense how beautiful it would be to just 'Be you' - the original, unfiltered, unadulterated, unconditioned 'YOU' ?

Many predictions of experts are going wrong as they didn't take into account the unexpected events..

Many experts are again predicting the future of this world, economy, well being of people, what's going to happen, what's not going to happen - I wonder if they are even aware of the fact that there are things they are not aware of and haven't taken into account - which are way beyond what their logical mind could think of!

I wonder if the universe is trying to tell us to stop controlling and start flowing and enjoying wherever we are at this moment.

Or as if the universe is telling us that the bat is in our hands but the ball is not, we can choose how to bat but can't control the ball!

How would life be if we befriended the uncertainty and unpredictability of universe?

Just knowing - that this mystery is a part of our very existence and no matter what comes, the bat will still be in our hands and we will always have a choice of how we would like to bat!

On this path, I at times question what is real..

Who is mine? Are they really mine?

Which relationships are real? Are they really real?

Who are close to me? Are they really close to me?

Do I really know what life is?

What if nothing was real? What if it's all just an illusion?

What if being close to someone was only my projection and being separate is another projection?

What if these are just the stories that my mind creates based on my filters and perception?

What if I can only be grateful for all those characters who chose to play a role in this life for me?

What if everyone was only an illusion and projection of my mind?

What if they are only playing my parts in different costumes?

What if they are not even separate and only an inseparable part of me?

What if it's just a game of illusion?

What if I am choosing to suffer because that is what I've learned?

What if suffering exists in this game so that one day I choose to awaken?

What if I choose to wake up from this illusionary game where there's no winning or losing?

What if nobody is mine and I'm nobody's?

What if this moment is another moment of illusion that is shaking me and waking me up to the comprehension that all suffering is only an illusion of my mind?

What if I can remove all my barriers and defences and embrace all that life has to offer to me?

What if we are all one?

What if it's only my different parts playing this game with me?

What would I choose now?

What if I now choose to let go of the illusions of past and the illusions of future and just be one with myself in this moment of self -realization?

One of my clients, who is more of a friend now, today asked me a couple of questions about how healing works and whether it is a one-time process or not and why is it that many people fall back to the same patterns. All these questions were buzzing in my head and brought up many insights.

These are some very frequently asked questions about healing/transforming/changing for a better life and some doubts about the modalities and therapies and whether they work or not. If they do work,how long can we feel the effect of these sessions and so on and so forth. Having gone through rough patches in life myself and having experienced almost all the extreme emotions and now working as a Healing facilitator and Transformation Coach; I really have to share these insights with you all:

1. Why do I need to heal/Do I even need to?

Friends, unfortunately we live in a world where we have almost always learned to function from the space of fear, threat, anger, anxiety, stress, pressure, helplessness and what not. That is what most of us have grown up seeing others do and as a child when we could hardly even understand anything, like a sponge we absorbed whatever we saw others doing to each other and to us. And why were they doing it? Because that is how they had always learned to function in the process of growing up. There must have been generations and generations of ‘dysfunctional families’ (if I may call it that) where people really didn’t know how to handle their emotions resulting into multiple incidents of emotional outbursts often witnessed by their kids who learned to behave very similarly. Haven’t most of us seen that in our families? Ironically, as kids we have learned all the subjects in the school except handling our mind and dealing with our emotions resulting into countless mental health issues that we see around us and who hasn’t gone through it amongst us? How easy it would have been to deal with the situations if we really knew our mind and emotions well and also how to handle them for a happier life. So yes, if like me, you are one of those people who have ever felt stuck in life and found it difficult to understand and manage the emotions and have ever wondered that you had some tools that could make your life easy; yes this journey is definitely for you!

2. How much time will it take to heal myself?

So if you have just watched an inspiring movie or have just attended a motivational session or have just gone through a Regression therapy and you feel your life is now sorted forever, and that you have received all the answers now, and that this state is going to last forever and that there is nothing more to life that is yet to be discovered, sorry my friend but that’s not really true. Healing is a process and not a destination. And trust me when I say that, it’s one of the most amazing journeys that you will ever take.. Like Zigzagler says “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily”. And hence, instead of feeling overwhelmed about facing some challenge in the life despite having ‘got healed’, please understand that healing yourself doesn’t mean that the life is over, but it means that the life has just begun and now you are wiser than before to live your life and look at it differently.

3. Once healed, am I healed forever?

A lot of times people ask me, that I took that session long ago and I ‘was healed’ and was living very happily until this situation just popped up and I feel lost again, don’t know how to handle it. Guys, if you really want to transform yourself inside out, please get this right – you have to practice the tools/wisdom every single day and every single time awaken yourself to not fall into the same trap,practice the new empowering beliefs (This is exactly where you know that you need help if you are not able to do it yourself). Please don’t hesitate to take help from the people who can empower you with the tried and tested tools to change your life. Also, know that you always have a choice whether you want to look at it with the new mindset and use the tools to change that or you choose to become a victim of your own emotions again. And trust me, this is that power that most of us don’t realize almost all our lives – that we always had a choice! Living joyfully through healing yourself is a beautiful process and not a destination. Every challenge is another opportunity to dive deeper within, learn something more, evolve yourself and apply that wisdom in your life and make it beautiful (And yes, don’t forget, if you don’t know how to do it please turn to a mentor or coach who can contribute).

4. Can I be healed/Can you heal me?

Yes! If you choose to, nobody else can do it for you. If you ask me whether I can heal you or not, my answer would be no and yes. No, because I don’t have to as you are powerful enough to heal yourself.Yes, because I facilitate this process for you so that you choose greater! Every modality that I use in the sessions, all the tools that I share and everything that we talk is nothing but creating a space where you can see what really is and realize that you can actually change it and most often you end up changing it! Yes, it is as simple as that only if you are willing to embrace the change and choosing it.’

5. Is it worth spending money and time and how much?

Friends, I have spent lacs of money (Wait! I want to change my sentence).. I have actually not spent but invested lacs of money into various spiritual and psychotherapeutic courses and that started even long before I chose it as a profession. I call it an investment because it has given me returns in various forms, to name a few – better understanding of life, ease of handling situations differently, better relationships,more clarity, financial returns and more than anything else, all of them helped me become who I am today. I have been investing my money and time into it ever since I was a young teenager and the process is still on and I feel there is still so much to know and learn and practice! So how much is it worth it? Ask yourself, how much is your life worth?

I would like to end it here with this beautiful quote – Ýour wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility’ and so please don’t let the past damage control your life anymore.. Choose to heal from unconsciousness, choose to step up, choose to change and choose a greater life!

While trying to help a client, who every other day sent me a long list of events of her life which were unfortunate and was trying hard to prove that life is not turning up the way she wanted and that how much she was struggling, I empathised with her, and gave her some tools which would empower her to live a happier life, but alas! the next time we met there was again a list of events that 'happened to her' and before me sat a victim who justified herself feeling low because of what her husband and in-laws did, until I shared with her what I have written in the blog today, and something in her shifted, the light of awareness took over all her misfortunes!.

I knew that I can only help her when she wants to help herself. I realized I can't help someone fight the waves, but I can only help them surf and empower them to surf happily, no matter how ugly or scary the waves are.

We have been through such phases in our lives when we have felt miserable, upset, angry, helpless because of the situations. But have we ever realised what are we trying to fight? What are we trying to fix? Even if u spend all your life, you won't be able to control the events or people's behaviour. The fight is never outside, it's within.

And so, instead of struggling to fight the odds, what if we work on ourselves, what if we focus on our surfing skills and empower ourselves to go through the waves smoothly. Trying to control waves won't help, we will only end up feeling worse. Next time you feel stuck, instead of blaming the waves, can you ask yourself how can I deal with them more confidently, lovingly - yes, because it is never about them, it's about you, trying to stop the waves won't help, trying to control them would be in vain, they have come to your life for a purpose, to teach you surfing, all you can do is you can only make yourself bigger by learning to surf. And while I write this, I am reminded of some of the huge waves in my life which totally made me their victim, but today, after working on myself (which is a continuous process, I'm still learning every moment) and dropping the victim mentality, when I think of them, I am only truly grateful to each of those waves, which have only helped me become a better surfer!

If you have just been upset because of a certain wave, you now have 2 options: 1- continue feeling that way and find out more reasons to feel even more depressed or no. 2 - become aware of it, allow it to pass and now you can choose something different - just let that go, do anything that makes you happy, meditate, evolve yourself emotionally, mentally, spiritually, invest in yourself, invest in your surfing skills, read books, take up such workshops and don't shy away from taking help - there are infinite tools that can help you create a totally different and greater reality. Choose consciously! Somebody has said it right - 'Khud hi ko kar buland itna..' :)

Are you spending your life trying to prove your boss/colleague/husband/wife/father-in- law/mother-in-law/parents/children wrong and yourself right?

There was a time in my life when I would often find myself in an unsaid ego tussle with somebody because I felt I was right and the other person was wrong. I would keep thinking,analyzing, rationalizing, judging in order to prove how right I was and how wrong the other person was and why they were not suppose to do what they did. So much so that, I would feel so emotionally charged up that it would drain out all my energy, I would have real bad headaches and without even realizing I would end up becoming a victim of the entire situation and still I found enough reasons to continue those power struggles (because I knew I was right and the other person was wrong!

Then came a time I realized it had become a pattern and I would attract such situations in my life very often. I realized there is definitely something that I needed to learn and until I do that,universe will keep creating such situations and I will always end up in a similar mess. I became aware that if I feel angry, irritated, frustrated at people for xyz reasons, they are not the problem, I am. I understood I need to work on myself, my mind if I wanted to be happy. I realized, it’s my choice whether I keep spending my life conveniently blaming people and situations for my misery and helplessness or I choose to be happy irrespective of the environment and people.

I started searching for the source from where my responses were coming. It came to my awareness that I am continuously living a life determined by my limiting beliefs and judgments and the moment I found something or someone against the same, I would have this strong urge of proving how they were wrong and I was right! The moment this awareness came, life took a U turn. I knew I had to change and I started looking for tools of various spiritual modalities that would help me create a totally different place of functioning and thereby created an amazingly different reality for myself. I started realizing that everybody is a product of their experiences, beliefs and judgments and everyone is free to have a different point of view, totally opposite of what I may have. Even if initially I didn’t appreciate their point of view, I was still at peace and focused more on what are they trying to teach me and how were they helping me in learning my lessons of life such as happiness is my choice irrespective of what the situations were or what people did or said, I realized that if I felt confident and empowered, I have the power to change the situations for good most of the time, and most importantly they have become a part of my universe only and only to help me learn my lessons.

From there on, life has completely changed; it is so much more blissful! Not that there are no more challenges, I still have my ups and downs but very quickly I would get the awareness of what is happening and instead of proving people wrong or remaining in those judgments/conclusions, I shift my focus back on myself. No more their point of view is good/bad/right/wrong, it is just another interesting point of view! No more power struggles! I choose how I want to feel and I how want to live – taking back the remote control back in my hands!

“Life is driving me crazy..”, said my friend to me. I didn’t know what exactly she was talking about. And again she began – “Yaar, I wish I could..” and it was a long discussion. While I was thinking about what she said to me, I suddenly felt some unknown vacuum. I started evaluating everything that I have in my life or should I say everything missing in my life and felt some strange nostalgia. There were n numbers of questions running inside my head.

Is there any meaning of all the events taking place in our lives?.. Can we control them?.. Why do I have to go through any bad phase?.. Was I lucky that it happened with me?.. Etc...

I remember as a child, I was an average student. I never bothered to study much. I would force my mother to finish my homework giving her some or the other excuse. Gradually, when I entered secondary schooling, we had to move to Indore for some reasons. I was admitted to a new school, new friends, and new teachers. Something in me popped up saying – Now that you are at a new place you can either continue being the same average student or take this opportunity to show out your inner talent. Obviously, I changed wonderfully!

Eventually I found, Life always gives us two choices. And we choose one. I am sure for a Chain Smoker today, once he must have had 2 choices – to smoke or to not smoke.. He chose the first and here he is today – A ‘proud’ chain smoker! And similarly, which subject to take, which college to join, which location to choose, which job to take and the list of the choices go on. In fact, daily in every activity we consciously or sub-consciously choose to behave in a particular manner. Be it a small accident, or any unfavourable situation, the choice of reaction is totally ours and see how different two people react to the same situation. And then we blame God for making our life so miserable!

Though we regret today saying Life is treating us bad, but somewhere, I feel, aren’t we ourselves responsible for every given situation because of the choice we made. Our present totally depends upon the choices we have made in the past. And our future depends upon the choice we are making today.. Think for a moment – Are you sure of what you are doing, are you doing anything which you might repent, given a chance – would you like to change your job or your relationship or your reactions or your attitude.. If yes, stop right away and choose carefully – for you will be the only one responsible for its outcome!

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Happy Choosing..!